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Spud8tor
Cheltenham,
United Kingdom
Posts: 264
Daytona T595 (97-98)
03 May 2008 22:33 |
The following questions were set in last year's GCSE examination in Swindon , Wiltshire. These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)
Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar
Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists
Q. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire
Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight
Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed
Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election
Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs
Q. What happens to your body as you age
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental
Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery
Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death
Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow
Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A. Keep it in the cow
Q. How are the main parts of the body categorised (eg the abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A,E,I,O and U
Q. What is the fibula
A. A small lie
Q. What does 'varicose' mean
A. Nearby
Q. What is the most common form of birth control
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium
Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome
Q. What is a seizure
A. A Roman Emperor
Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airport
Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature
A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas
Q. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its meaning
A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face
Q. What does the word 'benign' mean
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight
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Blizzard
Coventry,
United Kingdom
Posts: 22,141
Premier Member
Daytona 955i (04->)
03 May 2008 22:44 |
Quote:
Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed |
That's SP buggered if he wants buy a house  
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 Berlin84
Dresden, Sachsen,
Germany
Posts: 12,397
Premier Member
Sprint RS (02-05)
08 May 2008 13:00 |
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jimmyj
South Wales,
United Kingdom
Posts: 3,829
Premier Member
Daytona 955i (04->)
08 May 2008 16:57 |
Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow
that boy has been watching over too many hedges late at night - well they do say there isn't a lot to do in the country - 
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Spud8tor
Cheltenham,
United Kingdom
Posts: 264
Daytona T595 (97-98)
09 May 2008 22:59 |
speshally in S Wales eh Jimmy
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nigeywigey
suffolk,
United Kingdom
Posts: 222
Premier Member
Daytona T595 (97-98)
10 May 2008 08:55 |
haaa,really like the varicose one....must have been a chinky!
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maximus vegetatorus
sussex,
United Kingdom
Posts: 6,569
Premier Member
Tiger 1050 (07->)
10 May 2008 20:26 |
tho people in wiltshire aren't that intelligent
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